Dad: The Day Susan Went Viral

If you were anywhere near Facebook on Friday, you probably saw this photo of our daughter:

Turns out, so did a lot of other people. Our daughter was probably the third most talked-about thing on Facebook that day, right behind Obamacare and how MISERABLY hot it was. 

Actual photo of our front yard Friday. I don't have to mow this week!

So every week, my office selects a “Duke Fan of the Week” from user-submitted photos and throws the picture up on GoDuke.com. I submitted Susan’s picture (along with a hefty bribe) to the judge, with whom I also share an office. The next morning Susan was the latest fan of the week. It was that easy. Should the NCAA come knocking at my door next week, you can all look forward to WAY more blog posts as I’ll have a lot of time on my hands after I’m fired.

After Susan earned the distinctive Fan of the Week honor, Mary Jane and I shared the news on our FB walls, and all was well. Then one of my other co-workers posted the photo to the Duke Athletics Facebook Page, and Susan went viral. As of Sunday night, the photo had gotten almost 6,000 likes and over 100 comments. Most of the comments were about how cute Susan was, although there were a few idiot UNC fans who had to make sure their voices were heard (I should note that not all UNC fans are idiots…only the ones who insult babies on the Duke Facebook page). I don’t have the numbers in front of me, but I’m pretty sure it was the most awesome thing ever posted to the Duke Athletics Facebook page.

I’d like to think that for a lot of people that day, Susan’s picture was a welcome distraction from the War of Words being waged among the closet Constitutional scholars on Facebook debating the Rise/Fall of America that will be brought on by the verification of the health care act. While I’m sure some people had valid points on either side, the emotionally-charged arguments lost their effect when they got sandwiched between photos of cute dogs and Magic Mike.

So if you log on to Facebook and don't feel like scrolling through 17 different political debates, go to the Duke Athletics Facebook page and get Susan over 6,000 likes. If I reach 6,000 I get a sizable raise, or at least that's what I'm going to try and convince my boss of on Monday.

Mom: Weight Loss and Hair Loss

There are a lot of special moments that happen during pregnancy and after pregnancy.  For example, feeling your baby kick and holding her when she is born are two pretty special memories.  There are also a lot of pretty terrible moments.  For example, knowing that with every Andy's Cheeseburger and order of fries with a side of cheese sauce and a Dr. Pepper you eat, you will have to work that much harder to get back to your pre-pregnancy weight. 

I never did this, the Big A challenge.  But I thought about it.

So, as for my weight loss, I am pretty proud.  I am three months and one week postpartum and I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight.  Or at least what I think my pre-pregnancy weight was (I am not really sure what it was because I absolutely hate getting on the scale).  But all of my clothes fit.  And some are even too big. As you may remember, when I had to weigh during pregnancy at my appointments, I would do it backwards.  I didn't want to know how much I was gaining.  Because I was pretty confident I was going to gain over the recommended 25-35 pounds, so why upset myself.  Its not like I could go on a diet.


Now, I cannot say I lost the weight all by myself.  And I think I gained somewhere between 43-47 pounds (But you will never get me to reveal my weight). The day after we came home from the hospital, I signed up for Weight Watchers Online.  I knew that I would need a program because I have never had to lose weight like this.  Now, I know they are not giving me millions of dollars to plug their program (I think Jessica Simpson gained all that weight on purpose), but I will say I plan on using it for the rest of my life. 

I wish they would  pay me. 

Weight Watchers is awesome!  It is not a diet AT ALL!  Seriously!  You can eat whatever you want so long as it is within your points.  There are assigned Daily points and assigned Weekly points.  For example, I get 29 daily points and 49 weekly points.  You are supposed to spread the Weekly points throughout the week, but I usually use a bunch on Saturdays and Sundays.  You also earn Activity Points.  I always try really really hard never to eat those points.  But I have had to a few times, like when we went to that wedding.  And I know I will have to next week when we are in Florida for vacation.  So yes, Weight Watchers is pretty much the best thing ever and is worth spending $18 dollars a month for the rest of my life.  If I have to, I'll give up other things before I give it up.

I am a believer.

Along with my weight loss, my hair loss has been going pretty well too.  How many of you knew that most woman experience hair loss after they give birth?  Well, it usually occurs about 3 or 5 months postpartum.  And when it happens, it gets really scary really fast.  I am so afraid I am going to have bald patches.  I am using special shampoo that I bought at Sally's and taking Biotin, a hair and nail growth supplement.  But apparently this will likely continue until September.  It can last longer for women who are breastfeeding, but I'm not, so hopefully it ends soon.  And while it really stinks to be losing my hair, it is totally worth it.  I'll trade long flowing locks any day for the chance to be Susan's mom.

Pretty soon, Susan and I will match.

Dad: Father's Day and Man-Pregnancy

Yesterday was my first Father’s Day, and my wonderful wife turned it into a great weekend on behalf of Susan and four-year-old dog, Oscar. She planned a fun family picnic to the Historic Occoneechee Speedway Trail, which is (history lesson) the last remaining track used during NASCAR’s inaugural season in 1949. It was a great idea because the entire family, including Oscar, could come and celebrate Father’s Day while doing some things that we don’t normally do: semi-hiking/exploring our town/nature and shit. Well, it turned out to be great fun for everyone, but I don’t think anyone enjoyed it more than Mary, who got to show me a little bit of what she went through during the 8.75 months prior to Susan’s arrival.

Father’s Day was also the debut of the Baby Bjorn, AKA the Male Pregnancy Simulator 3000. Here’s a picture of me proudly sporting the new baby carrier, complete with 15-pound baby accessory.

Before I learned the truth about the Baby Bjorn.

Susan fussed at first, but once she got snugged up, she was happy. I walked her around the house for a few minutes to get a feel for it. It was great! Carry the baby AND have two hands free? Absolutely! Why, I could read a book, mow the lawn or pretend I was trapped inside an invisible box…the possibilities were endless! If the people on the Baby Bjorn box were any indication, hiking and picknicking was going to be a blast! 

This family is all geared up for tennis followed by bowling and rock climbing.

If anyone needed a reminder, my wife carried Susan around in her womb for nine months. Yes, she occasionally said that her back hurt. I tried to be as sympathetic as possible. Well, after carrying Susan around in the Baby Bjorn for an hour, I’m now certain that I could never handle being pregnant. I’m a moderately fit person, but nothing, and I mean NOTHING, can prepare any man for the first time he front loads his three-month-old infant and starts walking. As it so happened, my first experience with man-pregnancy was on the trails of a North Carolina state park. With hills.

As I said, I never tried the Baby Bjorn before Father’s Day. The packaging on the box shows a happy father and his happy baby trouncing around who-knows-where with smiles on their faces. What it doesn’t show is how complicated the contraption is to put together, the father swearing during assembly and the baby wailing as it’s “inserted” into the carrier. Never in my life has fitting two pieces of equipment together been so difficult (Hold the sexual jokes please. I figured that out eventually, as evidenced).

Nowhere on this box are the words "Some assembly required."

What the BB also fails to show is the excruciating back pain you get from trying to stay upright while gravity latches onto your 99th-percentile-weight baby and pulls you both unyieldingly to the ground. When Mary was pregnant, her worst back pain was right between her shoulder blades. Guess where mine was. I complained once, and Mary shot me a “Well now you know what it feels like to carry a baby in your uterus.” I didn’t complain anymore.

At the halfway point...the Baby Bjorn is no
longer "hands-free."

.

I’m not complaining now, either. Today was one of the best memories I'll ever have and easily the most fun we've all had as a family. I just wanted to share with the dads (or dads-to-be) out there the lesson I learned on my first Father’s Day. If you want to know what your pregnant wife is going through on a day-to-day, hour-to-hour or minute-to-minute basis, just strap on the Baby Bjorn, drop a 15-pound bowling ball in there and walk around the house. Hell, just sit down for an hour and tell me that’s not difficult. If you drop something, don’t bother trying to pick it up.

So on my first Father’s Day, ironically, I gained even more respect for my wife.

Mom: Oscar and Susan

Oscar is our dog and first child. He is a 16-pound Border Terrier who plays like a big dog and occasionally has small dog syndrome. And by occasionally, I mean every time he sees other dogs. He is super friendly and very playful. And we have spoiled him ROTTEN. He knows how to sit and down. Chris also taught him to shake and "leave it." He graduated twice from puppy school but it didn't really take. And it is all our fault.

Seriously, how can you get mad at that face?

He has the sweetest face, so whenever he does something wrong, he just looks at us and he is instantly forgiven. Now he doesn't chew on anything that isn't his and he doesn't have any terrible habits, but he is obsessed with going outside. For the first 3.5 years of his life, going outside always included the leash. He had a daily walk, but we didn't have a fenced-in backyard. When we bought our house in November 2010, we promised him that the first thing we would do is fence in the yard, which we did. Since then, he has never looked back. He loves it. He runs at the door and starts barking and jumping like he might explode if you don't let him out that minute. It's really his only bad habit and we don't really know how/don't feel like correcting it.

All the pregnancy books said that the baby could hear voices and other outside sounds during the pregnancy. Well this is definitely true in our case. Oscar barks several times throughout the day. When he sees the wayward squirrel who is visiting the backyard, when he sees real (and cartoon) animals on TV, and when the doorbell rings. He also sings. Some border terriers sing. Oscar is one of them. He will be snoozing on the bed, and then all of the sudden lift up and just release the most "beautiful" song. And Susan heard all of this when she was in my uterus. So that first day when we brought her home and he literally barked in her ear (the same way he barks at the vacuum), and she didn't flinch, I knew it was true. 

Since their first meeting, Susan and Oscar's relationship has really improved. He licks and kisses her and sits by her. Well, about three weeks ago, she started really seeing him. And now he is her absolute favorite thing to look at. Forget us, her parents who feed, clothe and bathe her. Not to mention wiping her butt. If Oscar is around, he gets all of her attention. She smiles at him, coos at him and has even started reaching for him. The other day, she was playing on the floor. She would grab his leg and each time, he would reach down and kiss her. And according to Chris, last week, she reached up and grabbed a fistful of fur. He looked at her like he couldn't believe she had done that and walked away. She immediately stopped cooing and look confused as if to say "where did he go." The attention she gives him could make a lesser person jealous, but I am a big girl. Sort of.

Playing

He looks like a big stuffed animal...

We make her smile like that too.  Sometimes.

 The girl isn't crawling yet, but when she does, I bet it will be after him. And I fully expect "Oscar" will be her first word, considering how often we say it. But they are already best buds. Oscar sits by her, runs to us when she cries and always comes upstairs with us in the morning when it's time to get her up. And if he thinks she is awesome now, just wait until she is tossing him Cheerios from her highchair. They will definitely give Chris and I a run for our money.

Sometimes, Oscar doesn't feel like sharing the spotlight.  So he takes it over.

Kisses. 

Mom: Essential Items

I have been meaning to write this blog post for a while. It is basically my advice to anyone who is pregnant or thinking about becoming pregnant. But it is going to be a continuous post that I will add to every so often. We are both going to try to start blogging once a week, and write shorter posts. So here goes.

First, if you are planning to use disposable diapers, then you would be wise to stock up before the baby comes. Now if you are planning to use cloth or some kind of reusable diaper, then skip this. But if you are like the rest of us who are filling landfills with our babies poops, then stock up. Some of you may say "But we don't know what will work?" Come on! Do your research now and start buying. A good diaper is a good diaper. And huge poops will explode out, no matter what brand you choose.

This poop is going to be epic...

Now Pampers are awesome. I hear Huggies are just Ok. But have you priced Pampers? Babies go through a lot of diapers. Do you really want to spend all that money on the Lexus of diapers, when the Toyota works equally as well and shows what a smart shopper you are? I am talking about Target's Up and Up brand. Their diapers are AWESOME!!! I have also heard good things about the Sam's club diapers and Costco diapers.



Seriously the best bang for your buck.

 Anyway, we did our research when we were pregnant. And spoke to much wiser mamas, like my best friend Kristi. Wal-mart's Parent Choice diapers are not good (but their wipes are awesome). So once I hit about 16 weeks, we started buying a pack of diapers a week. So did my parents. We bought one box of Pampers Newborns and the rest were Target Up and Up. We started off with Size One. Once we had about 500, we switched to Size 2. Then size 3 and so on. Now some of you may be thinking "what if you overbuy?" Well you don't need a receipt. We asked. The box clearly says "Up and Up" so if you need to exchange a box of size 2s for size 3s, they will let you. We are so thankful we did this. We have enough diapers for a whole year thanks to some smart planning and help from my parents! So stock up people.

Mom: Back to Work and First Weekend Away

Life is pretty great.  In most respects, we are a pretty well-adjusted family.  Chris and I have settled into our routine.  Susan is pretty good with her routine and is pretty clear when she is ready to change it.

Two weeks ago, I went back to work.  It was really hard.  She is changing so much everyday, and I don't want to miss any of it!  She smiles all the time now.  This past week, she started cooing all the time and discovered her hands and fingers.  Every day she changes just a little, so I really hated feeling like I was missing any of it.  Chris watched her that first week I went back to work, and my mom is watching her for the rest of the month.  Then Chris will watch her for June and July.  But anyway, that first day was hard.  I had a little work waiting on me, but not nearly enough!  Thankfully Chris sent me pictures all day long and some video.  But it was not the same!  The second day, Chris had a meeting at Duke, so I was able to baby-sit her at work.  That was fun!  But it didn't really do a whole lot to cure my separation anxiety.

Separation anxiety: Like this, but the other way around.

Last week, I had a meeting with my boss.  I told him I needed way more cases.  I wanted to feel so busy that I was teetering on overwhelmed.  Because if I can stay busy at work, then the day goes by a lot faster.  Working out helps too.  I joined the Triangle YMCA where a lot of other people in my office are members, too.  It is great because I can work out at lunch.  The dress code at our office is "clothes."  I kid you not.  If you were to walk into our office, you would be surprised to hear we are all a bunch of lawyers.  Except for Hannah Hall, who on most days makes us all look bad (Quit wearing heels Hannah!).  Anyway, being able to work out at lunch is great.  Especially if I come back looking a little worse for the wear.  Before Susan, I was an early morning workout person.  My ideal workout time on the weekdays was 5:30 a.m.  I have never liked working out after work.  After work, I like going home to relax.  And with Susan, mornings and afternoons are sacred now.  I don't want to miss any time with her.  So lunch is great!  Plus, there are a lot of classes to take at the Y during that time period. 

PUSH IT!

So being back at work has been tough, but manageable.  I didn't even cry.  I actually think that it will be much harder when we have to take her to daycare in September.  Now, the lady who will be keeping her, Ms. Lynn, is a sweetheart.  We did all of our homework, we like her a lot and my mom met her and likes her too.  But she isn't family.  She probably won't be able to text me pictures throughout the day or send me bottle and poop updates. So I think that will be harder for me than going back to work.  But I will get through it and we will all adjust.  And then it will become our normal routine. 

This past weekend was also our first weekend away from Susan.  One of my best friends from college got married on Saturday and we were invited to all of the wedding events.  So we dropped Susan (and Oscar) off with my parents on Friday and picked her up on Sunday.  Now, we missed her a ton.  But thankfully, my parents were able to send us tons of pictures and we were able to FaceTime with her both nights.  And while we were busy, we were okay.  I think the worst part was when my friend's 8-month-old niece joined the festivities.  Her niece is adorable.  Seeing her made us really miss Susan to the point that on Saturday (day of the wedding), I tried to convince Chris that it would be okay to go home because we had already wished David and Beth our best and it would be cool to miss the wedding.  Now, I am glad we stuck it out.  We had a great time together, just the two of us, doing normal stuff.  And sleeping in. It was a great trip, but we are glad to be reunited as a family.

We had a GREAT time!

Now, I don't know how we got this lucky with our baby.  But I have accepted the fact that we probably have one of the best babies ever born, and I have stopped waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Last week, at just two months old, Susan decided she was ready to go to four bottles a day.  Her last bottle is now between 7:30 and 8:30 p.m.  She usually takes 9 oz. and has a nice big poop.  Then we give her a bath.  After that, it's story time and bedtime.  Last night, she went to sleep at 8:45 and slept til 6:30 this morning.  We had to give her a pacey a couple of times (at 4:30 and 5:30) but she went back to sleep.  She still takes her morning nap and then is pretty much awake from 10:30 to 4.  At 4, she usually takes a short nap, maybe 1.5 hours.  She is awesome and we love her so much.  I don't know if its our superior parenting (ha) or Susan's winning personality or probably a combination, but she is a true joy.  I fear our second child, though, because I have a feeling it's all going to come unraveled with baby #2. But I have decided to quit worrying about that and just enjoy Susan for the next 4 years.  I'll freak out about her brother or sister later.  No need to borrow trouble.




Happiest baby alive!



Dad: Buttons, zippers and snaps, oh my.

Thanks to Adam and Eve, we’re no longer allowed to strut around buck naked in the Garden of Eden. Instead we have to spend lots of time and money outfitting ourselves and, by extension, our babies. For whatever reason, a grown man running around naked in public is considered obscene, but when a baby does it, it’s hilarious. Of course if it goes on too long, the cuteness wears off and the calls to Social Services begin.

Nope, doesn't count.

Rather than let our kid walk around free and easy like Elizabeth Berkley post-Saved by the Bell, we make an effort to keep Susan clothed. She has quite a wardrobe and has already outgrown half her closet. We sometimes put her in 4 outfits a day just to make sure she wears everything at least once. There is already a “Things Susan Can’t Wear Anymore” bin.

In a terrible sign of things to come, Susan gets new outfits every week despite having a closet and two dressers full of clothes. We can’t help ourselves. Baby clothes are like crack. We walk into Babies R Us, and there are hundreds of outfits that would just look so damn cute on Susan. We’re powerless. They put the clothes front and center as soon as you walk in. You may have entered looking for bottles, but before you know it you’re trying to decide between the monkey dress and smiley flower onesie because you only have enough money to buy seven of the 12 outfits you’ve thrown into your shopping cart. We’re not to the point of pawning our television for footie pajamas (yet), but we’ve spent our fair share of cash on clothes for Susan. 

We'll take one of everything.

I didn’t think I’d actually enjoy it before we had our baby, but shopping for baby clothes is fun. For baby girls, the clothing features three main groups: cute animals (elephants, giraffes, ducks, etc.), cute insects (butterflies, bumblebees, ladybugs, etc.) and cute vegetation (flowers, strawberries, etc.). Boy and girl clothes are distinctly separated in baby stores, and even though I think Susan would look great in a monster truck onesie, I dare not venture away from the smocked, pink-tinted land of baby girl clothes. Heaven forbid that I cross the center aisle in Babies R Us and accidentally pick up something that was meant for a boy. I wouldn’t want THIS IDIOT knocking on my door. For what it’s worth Sean Harris, we have a Steve Smith Panthers jersey that I’m going to put my daughter in every Sunday once football starts.

Baby clothes are great when they’re on the rack and when they’re on your kid. Putting them on is the problem. My question for the baby clothes makers around the world is WHY DO THE BUTTONS HAVE TO BE SO DAMN SMALL???? Susan isn’t dressing herself. The adults are. So why do they put buttons that only an infant could handle onto baby clothes? Were they outsourced to The Shire? Do you know how hard it is to squeeze a quarter-inch button into a slot that’s half the size of my pinky nail? Maybe it’s not that bad if you’re a representative of the Lollipop Guild, but for those of us NOT from Oz, it’s near impossible...especially when you’re trying to button up a squirming infant who’s been on the changing table way too long because her bumbling father can’t fasten three buttons on the back of her pretty pink dress. It seriously would be easier to use a stapler and some duct tape, but again there’s the whole Social Services thing. I’m becoming more and more tempted to just let Susan wear her clothes like one of those drafty hospital gowns.

That’s why I’m a huge proponent of zippers. They should put them on everything baby wears. Gowns, pajamas, diapers, socks, swaddlers, whatever. Any chance I get to put Susan in something that zips, I take it, especially her pajamas. That way when I stumble into her nursery at 5 a.m. to change her, I don’t have to fumble with buttons designed for an Ewok or a crazy maze of snaps that only the guy from A Beautiful Mind can decipher.

It's a little known fact that John Nash designed baby clothes for Carter's
between stints as a math professor and code cracker for the CIA.

The clothes, at least for now, are relatively cheap since there isn’t much material needed to fashion a dress for a 12-pounder. We also have the benefit of not asking any input from Susan since, well, she can’t talk. Once she starts developing her own tastes though, I think we’re in trouble. I can’t wait to go look for a prom dress. I’d actually prefer that to have buttons. LOTS of buttons.